…on Andrew Kelly-Hayes aka Helmut.

Posted: Tuesday, June 17, 2008 in Television
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

One week from tonight a reality television star will be born. Next Tuesday, June 24th, at 9 o’clock, I Survived A Japanese Game Show premieres on the ABC network. Our man Andy is finally coming to primetime!

But before I introduce you all to the man, the myth, the legend that is Andrew Kelly-Hayes, I would like to take a moment to delve a little deeper into what this reality show is all about. By now, most of y’all have seen the commercials for I Survived A Japanese Game Show or have heard the word of mouth. What is clear from these ads, and the water-cooler talk, is that the major concept behind this latest reality offering involves running 10 young Americans through the gauntlet of bizarre and hysterical challenges that Japanese game shows are famous for. What has not been made all that clear, however, is that the other major hook in this show is how these 10 contestants navigate through a totally foreign land and culture, as they live and compete together. The early buzz on the show is that the “house mother,” Mamasan, is quite the pisser, and has been described as a “pot-stirrer.” This I like. The fact that some of the show will be devoted to the contestants’ day-to-day in Japan, all under one roof, is fantastic; especially because that will allow the force of nature that is Andy’s personality to come shining through the television, regardless of how the show is edited. Speaking of the editing process, I don’t envy the guy who is in charge of that; for I am sure that there will be some priceless gems from Andy that will inevitably end up on the cutting room floor.

So now it is time to properly introduce Andrew Kelly-Hayes to you, my faithful readers. Let me start by telling a little story of how we all met this character who became one of our dearest and most loyal friends. It was in early September and the first weekend of the Fall semester way back in 1998, that we threw a legendary, 12-keg, toga party at our off- campus house on Warren Square. We had people manning the door in order to maintain proper crowd control, as well as enforcing the toga dress code. A few hours into the revelry I noticed that a barrel of a man, toga-clad, and sporting a silver helmet securely strapped to his chin, had taken up a post, checking people at the door. My initial reaction was the same as some of my friends, “Who the fuck is this guy, making himself quite at home?” My next thought was, “And what is up with that fuckin’ helmet?” I never really did figure out the whole deal with the helmet. But by the way that Andy bounds through life, like a runaway freight-train, it is probably a good safety precaution. Years later, when Andy visited me in Connecticut, and we went out one night to Toad’s Place in New Haven, he tried to enter the club with his helmet on. While the bouncer seemed cool enough with the unusual headwear, Andy was rebuffed by the police officer at the door. So Andy did the only thing he could do: he checked his helmet with the coats. You should have seen the look on the coat-check girl’s face. I think her exact words were, “This is a new one.”

Although my first reaction to this crazy freshman was apprehensive at best, in a matter of hours, Andy had ingratiated himself with our crew; and 10 years later we are happy and proud to call him our friend. Andy has that special way about him: upon meeting him, you wonder if you had known one another in a previous life; because when you meet Andy, he acts and treats you like he’s known you for years. Andy doesn’t have time for that getting-to-know-you bullshit. It’s quite refreshing. He’s the consummate “people person;” and he’s always looking to lend a helping hand. Friends of our friends became Andy’s friends, and remain so.

Over the next few years of college, Andy was at the center of some of the funniest stories you will hear. And in the years since, few things bring me and others more joy than to recount these hilarious events over a beer or two or ten. Here are some of the highlights:

Next week will not be the first time Andy has appeared in a reality show. During college, he was a contestant on the MTV program called FEAR, in which 6 people must complete a series of tasks, or “dares,” over the course of two nights at a haunted location. Andy, of course, stole the show. In the first clip, Andy is charged with investigating a bathroom where a man was killed. Notice the way Andy comes flying through the door after he completes his dare, and almost knocks over the dude standing near it.

As Egon Spengler, Ray Stantz, and Peter Venkman will tell you, what Andy meant to say was, “I’ve got my PKE, bitch!” confusing the Psycho Kinetic Energy meter with the more common EKG, which is an acronym for the electrocardiogram that measures the electrical activity of the heart. Close enough; and funny as shit!

And in this second clip from the show, Andy is solely responsible for psyching up his fellow contestant, convincing him to follow through with his spooky task, and thus helping the kid win his share of the prize money. Like I said, Andy is all about helping other people.

When we in Jamaica, on spring break, after swimming naked under the glass-bottomed boats that frequented the little cove surrounded by a few bars and restaurants, Andy proceeded to run naked up the stairs carved into rocky cliffs, and continued his lap through the ‘Pickled Parrot’ establishment as the patrons cheered him on. From my vantage point, from atop a cliff, as Andy ran through the throngs of people, triumphantly swinging his swim-trunks like a Steelers “Terrible Towel,” it looked like they were doing The Wave as he passed them by. The crowd continued to cheer as Andy finished his streaking by leaping off the highest cliff of the cove. The crowd fell silent as he fell the forty or so feet, still swinging his shorts; only to erupt in a roar of cheer when he safely splashed into the clear blue water below. Classic. Absolutely classic.

Andy is also quite renowned for his dancing skills as well. For a big man, he is remarkably light on his feet. We all will never forget that time at Leon’s Bar when Andy climbed atop a pool table to perform the “Buffalo Bill” dance from Silence of the Lambs; and then proceeded to fall flat on his face on the dismount, pants still around his ankles. “And you wanna be my latex salesman?” And then there was our wedding; where Andy was tearing up the dance floor like a whirling dervish right before tearing up his pants after performing an impressive split.

So there you have it. This has been just a small slice of the Andy pie; and the stories above merely scratch the surface. And like the following bios on him regarding the show, while I hope to capture his essence, I know I hardly do him justice:

” Andrew Kelly-Hayes, a 28-year-old radio sales consultant from Boston, MA. With his hilarious stories and off-the-wall energy, this flip flop-wearing funnyman could be a long-lost Belushi brother. Whether he’s schmoozing old ladies at Bingo, harassing strangers while on “Smile Patrol” or joining his college cheerleading team to meet hot girls, Andrew has a reputation for being a nut.”

“Originally from Boston, Massachusetts, Andrew Kelly-Hayes is your typical resident funny man. This radio sales consultant has a degree in journalism and communication and is one big ball of energy and humor. He always has a hilarious story up his sleeve to tell an unsuspecting stranger, whether its old ladies at Bingo or hot cheerleaders in college. Indeed, Andrew’s reputation as a nut goes a long way.”

Besides being a really funny, outgoing, fearless guy, he’s also very intelligent, and one of the sweetest, most caring and loyal people you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. So set your TiVos, people, because Andy is coming to primetime. I hope y’all are psyched for the show. And here’s hoping he wins the whole fucking thing, and the 25,965,000 Yen.

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Comments
  1. Nate says:

    I can’t freaking wait. Well said JC. Well done Andy. The legend lives on.

  2. Sharon says:

    I agree…nicely put JC. You really captured him. I’ll be watching.

  3. Brandon Bach says:

    Good to see everyone coming together and rallying for Andy. Win it all kid!!

  4. Clarissa says:

    I’m watching the show right now and just want to tell you I have developed this huge crush on Andrew…while searching on line for information about him (god I sound like crazy stalker girl! LOL!) I came across here. Here’s hoping I’ll get to see lots more of him in the future.

  5. bree says:

    dayummm your hot

  6. Leslie says:

    oh my god i think he is so hot….. when is this show on? I want to meet this guy….. I am 23 years old and go to bridgewater state college – my email is lesangel23@yahoo.com

    when is this show on AND does he still live in Boston?? is he single?

    -Leslie

  7. Coy Cub Curt says:

    So… after writing my own blog on this show, I found yoru post… I recieved a rather suspsicious comment on my blog about an video that Andy was in and i was just wondering you you could validate this…

    I have already ordered it from a UK store, as I cannot find it sold in the US…

  8. Coy Cub Curt says:

    So… I received another tip saying that it was not Andy who was featured in this video, but a very close doppleganger. (Too bad i already ordered it)

    To Andy… if you ever want to find a gay man, you have plenty of options. The gay Bear Community loves ya, you big stud!

    CCC

  9. Andrew says:

    As always John has exceeded expectations of being a loyal and genuine friend. Although I’d love to expose the intricacies of the Majide world I truly feel that silence is the best lamb for the moment.
    Fuck Rice that’s all I can say…
    Cee U Next Tues and thanks to all my friends the support is well received…keep watching

    One mans trash is another mans treasure….

  10. dp says:

    andy is the dude

  11. spinmaster c says:

    In a world of dueds, Andy is a chum among chums. Consistenly over the line and above the knees, a true chummer. Call me, my friend, and give me details. Or at least come on down to Natestock for a solid blessing even Curt could be proud of.

  12. Ian says:

    I’m pretty sure I recall a prank Andy played in high school on the Sophomores. In their homeroom, there were 4 steel beam/pillars in the center of the room (about 8 feet apart) and at four corners, they formed a square. After assembly, the sophomores came back to find all their possessions and bags enclosed within the beams/pillars behind a tall chain link fence that was pad locked together. Legend or myth? AKH or someone else? not sure but that’s how it was always recanted to me from older friends.

  13. JT says:

    Andy,

    I live in Boston… If you are ever looking for a deal on a hotel room in boston let me know. My email is TBone421@aol.com…. also, gawddamn you are good-looking. Shoot me an email…

    JT

  14. LK says:

    The big question…what are those scars on your upper arms? And they panned over the back tattoo too quickly…what does it say?

    Thanks for being the ONLY reason to watch TV this summer, Andy. You’re hilarious! I hope you win!

  15. jc says:

    At least some of those scars on his arm are staple marks.

  16. Biyootz says:

    I seem to remember a window being involved with those scars and the glass in the fire extinguisher case as well.

    Verified?

  17. jamie says:

    I think Andrew is so cute. Not only is he super funny, but I can’t get enough of his sexy voice. He got even hotter today after seeing his large tattoo scrolled across his broad shoulders. Boston is my favorite city and I could definitely live there! ; )
    jamie ❤ andrew

  18. Amy says:

    I JUST MET ANDREW THIS PAST WEEKEND IN THE VINEYARD. HE IS SO NICE, AND VERY HANDSOME! HE MADE MY 4 YEAR OLD A PAPER AIRPLANE AND GAVE MY 2 YEAR OLD HIS CAPTAIN HAT, OFF HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!! I WASN’T WITH HIM LONG BUT HE MADE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAD KNOWN HIM FOR EVER. SOOOO NICE AND FUNNY. THANK YOU AGAIN ANDREW! I AM ALSO FROM BOSTON. HOPE TO SEE YOU AROUND.

  19. Coy Cub Curt says:

    Ah… fur…

    After the baby-in-diapers game, I think that I have now seen everything. What a real slice of heaven this guys is.. and his baby temper tantrum even made me pee a little. I cannot wait to see what shenanigans he pulls on the next episode… but hooray for the Yellow Penguin Team’s 3 in a row victories!

    CCC

  20. Nicole says:

    I’m watching the show right now…and I have to agree with the previous posts…Andrew is quite a handsome guy…and funny.

    I hope he’s single….if not, that’s one lucky lady!

  21. Kari says:

    My fiance and I have been watching and I have to say, Andrew absolutely makes the show.

    After the first night I said “That guy is awesome, he would be so much fun to hang out with.” Obviously, I must have been right! He cracks us up and we are rooting for him to win it all.

    He definitely must be a trip to be friends with!

    When he wins, we’ll have a beer (or 30) in his honor.

  22. Admirer says:

    doesn’t anyone have any pictures of him naked?

  23. jamie says:

    I’m so upset that I will not be seeing Andrew anymore ; (

  24. sean says:

    what does the tattoo across his back say?

  25. LK says:

    I can’t believe I’m depressed about some guy I don’t know! Andrew, where ever you are, good luck. I truly have no reason to watch TV any more this summer 😦

    And to ‘Admirer’, isn’t the fact that he was shirtless enough? Next you’ll ask why he shaves his back…he should lose the razor though, I’m sure anyone would take him in his natural state.

    The tattoo is explained on another site. I think it translates to ‘Cheers’ in Irish or Scottish or Welsh or Celtic.

    If that really was you, Andrew, in the post above, thanks for a great show.

  26. Kiserone says:

    Just yesterday I was sitting in Boston and I look 5 feet away and there is Andrew! He was so amazingly nice and we chatted for a few minutes. Like the spaz that I am, I had to ask him for a picture which he seemed happy to oblige. I am so sad that he has been eliminated, he was most of the reason I watched the show. His personality on the show was only exceeded by the personality and charm he showed to my husband and I. I still can’t believe that out of the whole city of Boston, I got to meet him!

  27. Admirer says:

    Does he definitely shave his back?

    I just want an ass shot. That’s all.

  28. ND Mitchell says:

    I just fell in love with Andrew after watching I Survived a Japanese Game Show. I think he is very funny, sexy and the hairy chest and back is a big turn-on so don’t shave it or trim it. I have never met him but would like to because I think he is such a great guy to meet. Hey Andrew, you sexy thing!

  29. ND Mitchell says:

    Wow, after reading all the blogs above…..I’m definitely need to get to boston. Send me an email, Andrew, if you read this…ndmtv1972@yahoo.com

  30. Max says:

    I just started watching .Japanese Game Show online. I can’t believe I had been missing out on Andrew. I was attracted to him the moment I first saw him on the show. He so sweet and sexy. Anybody know if he’s into guys at all. If he is, I’d love to go on a date with him!

  31. bilbo says:

    na, andrew is a ladies man. spent a day with him. he is on the way to stardom. cool looks, the eyes, the way he takes over. what new tv show is out there that he can hook up on?

  32. Tai says:

    I’d like to read his own comments on the show, he was pretty awesome and a blast to watch. Get him to post here ASAP!

  33. Jenny says:

    This is driving me crazy! i have been searching for any contact to Andrew for over a week now! I CAN’T FIND ANY!!! i only began watching the show two weeks ago online. now i just have this obsession over Andrew! he is so handsome!
    please, i just want to send him one (possibly more) emails.
    Andrew, if you ever read this please email me @ iam-c@hotmail.com.
    Love Jenny!

  34. kent says:

    hello! i just watched i survived a japanese game show season 1 on youtube…and the show is awesome!!! i love season 1…

    i just wanna be friends with you…i’m just 12 years old…you see,my friends are really in love with you…and i told them i am going to tell you…XD…

    anyway,if you read this,just watch my video on youtube..search there “godwinkent888″…and e-mail me at kent_godwin000@yahoo.com

    cheerio!

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