Happy Friday to you all. The Monday Morning Punter has had something of a difficult week, which has led to this post coming so late in the week. First of all, I had a “painting job,” which was good because they have been few and far between what with the poor economy and all. The quotations are there because I never actually got to do any painting. Again, because budgets are tight, and people just don’t have that much money available for home improvements, the homeowner was only able to afford the prepping of the walls. They intend to do the painting themselves (this might lead to a later call, however.) So this meant that I had to spend a few days stripping wallpaper and spackling. Ugh! (On a side note: I will never understand what possessed people to paper their walls. It shows such a lack of foresight. It’s like tattooing your walls. The removal process is just as painful. Little Bobby is soon gonna outgrow that Phillies wallpaper with the diagonally running baseball seams. And then you’ve got to pay someone like me at least $500 to remove it and fix the damage.) Wallpaper removal is a messy, sticky, pain in the ass; and no matter how many products are available claiming to make the job a breeze, it is always a nightmare (in fact, plain old warm water works best as far as I’m concerned.) The worst part of the job, however, was that I never got to the fun part, coating the freshly smoothed walls with a cool, vibrant color. There was no payoff. It was as if you went on a date with your lover, got home, stripped of their clothes, only to have someone come in and tap you on the shoulder and say, “OK. Good job. I’ll take it from here. Oh, and here’s your $500.” Now that I think about it, this may not sound like a bad deal to some of you out there. Hahahahaha. And please, save the “spackle” jokes; I’ve already thought of them. Hey, I never said this blog was rated PG.
But, work is work, and I looked forward to depositing the check, the real payoff. But when I slid the check into the ATM (which is so cool, by the way: all I have to do is slip it in and the machine even reads the amount) even this splendid act was ruined when I found out that my account was overdrawn. Someone had wiped out my checking account by making fraudulent charges online. The Monday Morning Punter had his identity stolen! Of course, the joke is on the perpetrators of this heinous crime. For one, anybody who needs to buy hundreds of dollars worth of shoes and sunglasses with someone else’s money has some major self-esteem issues to deal with. And second, whoever went through all this trouble (and I have a suspect in mind) got themselves one shady identity, that of a world class Punter. Their personal credit rating has probably dropped just by being associated with my identity; they now have an outstanding warrant in Vermont; and I’m sending over my bookie to collect on a few debts just in time for football season. Hahahahaha. Only some of that is true. (When I write out my laughter like this, picture in your mind’s eye Ray Liotta in Goodfellas, laughing like a maniac in his Mother-in-law’s face.)
So after having to deal with all of that, as well as the maddening sounds of jackhammers digging up the street in front of my house as I write these words, it was with good fortune that I had the wonderful opportunity to listen to the Dalai Lama speak in person at Lehigh University this past Sunday, with my Wife Jen, Sister-in-Law Kelly, and Dear Friend Christopher Spinney. His Holiness spoke of the importance of maintaining a calm mind when dealing with stressful situations. This resonating message kept my head from exploding. And I’m happy to say that my checking account has been restored and secured, and the Monday Morning Punter’s identity is back where it belongs.
To be continued in…on His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.
Coming later today…