Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

On Our FF League’s Dirty Laundry…

Posted: Friday, September 24, 2010 in Fantasy Football, Media, Sports

Greetings.  I’ve decided to post our Fantasy Football league’s weekly (or bi-weekly) Power Ranking write-ups, written by your’s truly.  Why?  Because I’m a bigtime narcissist, and think my Power Rankings are the shit; plus, a Fantasy Football post should should generate a healthy number of hits here.

So without further ado, I present to you, the PimpNational Football League’s first Power Rankings of the 2010 campaign.  Enjoy, you fucking nerds.

The first Power Rankings of the 2010 PFL season are FINALLY FUCKING HERE!  Again, sorry for not having them out last week, but be prepared for the occasional week-without-PRs, as they are very labor intensive, and my dance-card is a LOT fuller these days.  But I pledge to never go more than a week without doing the PR Write-ups.  Just to recap the PR format for y’all: We the Media weight our analysis heavily on teams’ most recent performance, including bench play, but factor in previous weeks production as well.  We also factor in the CBS PRs, which are based soley on a 3-category aggregate ranking score: CBS ranks all teams 12-1 in Record, Total Points, and Breakdown (which is a team’s “All Play” record), which leads to the PR score.  For example, the #1 ranked team with a 35 is Cawley’s Teflon Dons, who are ranked tops in Points and Breakdown and get 12 points accordingly for each, and tied for tops in record, which therefore gets them 11 points.  Got it?  Often the PFL and CBS PRs will not jive, but we will always include the CBS ranks next to the team name, along with record, total points, and Last Week’s PFL rank.  Got it?  Good.

1.) TEFLON DONS (2-0; 243.9; cbs-1)
Brian Cawley’s Gotti Crew are #1 With A Bullet, appropriately enough, in this, the first Power Rankings of the 2010 campaign.  The PFL’s highest scoring team thus far, the Teflon Dons followed up a WK-1 high of 126 with another impressive output of 117 in Week 2.  Phil Rivers is off to a nice, consistent start, with 27+ and 24+ in the first two weeks, respectively.  The running attack has also, well, hit the ground running, so to speak: Forte blew up in the passing game, with over 150 yards and 2 TD, en route to a huge 33+ WK-1, and added another 5 catches including a TD, good for 15+ in WK-2; Gore posted a serviceable double-digit Wk-1 (11.3) based on some rushing and 6 catches, but went off against the Saints on MNF for 32.3, thanks to 7 receptions that included a TD to go along with 112 RuYd and a RuTD.  With these two excellent pass-catching RBs, not to mention a 3rd on the bench in Pierre Thomas (8 catches in Wk-2), Cawley is looking set at this position.  Also, it looks like Miles Austin has picked up where he left off last season, with back-to-back 10-catch games to start the season, and a 22.4 avg.  So the Dons have their #1WR all set too.  Rivers, Gore, Forte, and Austin makes for QUITE the fearsome foursome.  And Dustin Keller’s 21 (7rec,115ReYd,1TD) from the bench looks like a sign of FF greatness to come.  Also, the Sainst DST are looking like they should be a productive unit throughout the season.  The only possible rat in the Gotti Crew could come from the WR depth, or lack thereof.  After Austin, there is little to strike fear into the hearts of Cawley’s opponents.  Garcon was drafted to be the #2WR, but hasn’t even played like a #3 yet; same goes for Meachem and Naanee.  Still, even without a productive #2WR, the Dons should crack the magic 100 mark most weeks based on their Big-4 alone; add some consistent production from another WR, and the TE slot, and you have a lethal team here.

2.) CLEAVELAND STEAMERS (2-0; 201.8; cbs-2)
Lex has not had much PFL success, since joining the PFL a few years back.  But this year, Lex and his 2-0 Steamers are looking primed to shit all over the competition and make their 1st playoff appearance.  This roster has performed well, top-to-bottom, and still has yet to get the most from a solid backfield.  Aaron Rodgers followed up a dicey 2-INT, 16+ WK-1, with a big 30+ WK-2, that included a RuTD; this ability to run for TDs in the redzone makes the Packers QB THAT much more dangerous.  The aforementioned RBs, specifically Ced Benson and Ronnie Brown, have been producing thus far – each scored a TD in WK-1, and rushed for over 75 yards in WK-2 – but have yet to post any 20s, which are forthcoming.  The depth here is looking nice too: Donald Brown had one of his best games as a pro on Sunday night, with a TD and 69 RuYd; and recent waiver pick-up Brandon Jackson scored TD in place of injured Ryan Grant, for Green Bay.  Perhaps the biggest news through 2 weeks for Cleaveland has been Wes Welker’s great start.  In the Draft Grades, we said it was a calculated risk taking Wes at the end of 3rd as a #1 WR, and so far it is paying off, big time.  Welker’s game has shown no signs of being hampered by his late-season knee blowout: He’s doing his usual reception thing, averaging 7 of them per game thus far.  But now Welker is scoring TDs as well – 3 of them already – which could elevate The Great White Hope to elite WR status.  Speaking of TDs, Donald Driver has scored a pair, and just continues to defy age and FF wisdom, as he remains Rodgers #1 safety valve and redzone target.  If this wasn’t enough, Lex has some impressive WR depth so far: in WK-1 Gaffney had a TD; as did Collie, whose 73-yd TD contributed mightily to a huge 25.8 output, that also included another 10 receptions; Collie again scored in Wk-2.  Oh, and Lex also has TO: scary depth here.  And speaking of depth, how about D-Mac’s 426 bench passing yards?  Not bad for a #2; McNabb looks good.  And rounding out this very well built squad is an excellent K/DST combo: the Jets and Mason Crosby each scored 10 points in the first 2 weeks; Lex doesn’t have to worry about playing the matchups here, which is nice.  The Steamers are looking fierce so far, and even though Cleveland, OH will never win a championship, CLEAVEland, CT certainly seems to be on the right track.

3.) THE WIGGLES (1-1; 214.4; cbs-3)
Miesse’s crew was solid enough in Wk-1 with 86+ in a losing effort to a tough B’More Omars squad (who scored 99), but they rebounded VERY nicely in Wk-2 to get their first victory and the week’s top scoring output as well, with 128.  This big week is made all the more impressive when considering Brady’s poor outing – the Jets turned him over 3 times, and limited him to just under 16.  Brady was on point in Wk-1, however, with 3TDs and 28+.  Brady is gonna post big numbers this year, because the Pats ground game is virtually non-existent, as opposed to the Wiggles rushing attack, which is robust and downright scary through 2-weeks.  Adrian Peterson could have his biggest season yet, based on his violent runs and return to the focal point of the Vikes offense.  AP is even increasing his receiving totals, with 8 catches for 55 yards so far.  LeSean McCoy is off to an outstanding start to the 2010 campaign, and is looking like Westbrook 2.0.  He had solid production in Wk-1, with 5 catches for 47, and 35 RuYD and a TD, good for 16.7.  But in Wk-2, the Real McCoy showed up in full berserker regalia, as he posted a career high with 120 RuYD and 3 TD, en route to an eye-opening 32.8.  Sims-Walker was out for Wk-1, but came back strong in Wk-2 with 10 catches, 103 ReYD, and a TD; he’s proving to be a legit #1WR, for both the Jags and FF owners.  Sims-Walker could be huge for Miesse, especially if Steve Smith (NYG) continues to be a dump-off afterthought in the Giants offense (9 catches thus far, but for only 78 yards and no TDs.)  We killed the WR depth in the Draft Grades, but that is obviously not the case right now, as Jacoby Jones had a TD, 6 catches, and 14+ in Wk-2 from the bench.  Also, Miesse made two very nice FA pickups to shore up his WR depth – Louis Murphy and Nate Washington each scored TDs this week (Nasty Nate’s 2nd in as many games.)  They also have Housh, but he’s done nada thus far.  The backup RBs, Cadillac and Ricky Williams, haven’t done shit either, but, barring injury, won’t be seeing starts anyway.  The Wiggles seem to have a rock solid DST in Green Bay – Clay Matthews and his 6 sacks are better than many team totals.  If Miesse can solve his TE issues – which he may have done by grabbing Mercedes Lewis – the Wiggles could field one of the more dangerous lineups week to week.

4.) NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS (2-0; 185.3; cbs-4)
The Jizms have not set the PFL on fire by any means, with a solid, if not imposing, 92.6 scoring avg, but they did break 100 in their Wk-2 victory, after being fortunate to win in Wk-1 with a pedestrian 82.6, over Prah and his paltry 57.5.  Besides Mendenhall’s walk-off 50-yard TD in OT, this running game hasn’t got in gear.  Turner was en route to a big Wk-2 with 75-yards on only 9 carries in the 1st half, but he tweaked a hammy, and Jason Snelling took over and went off for 39 points on nearly 200 all purpose yards and 3TDs.  Fortunately for JC, he wisely chose Snelling over Norwood to handcuff Turner.  Schuab only had 8 points in Wk-1, which was a big factor in the Emissions only scoring 82; but he bounced back in a BIG way in Wk-2, with almost 500 yards passing to go with 3 TDs, as he scored 36 and helped get the Jizms over 100.  Jennings started off right in Wk-1 with a TD and 16.7, but disappeared in Wk-2, as the rest of Green Bay’s receivers got theirs; and with Malcolm Floyd, the opposite was the case, as HE got the big TD bomb from Rivers in Wk-2.  The WRs are pretty shaky here after Jennings, at least until Floyd shows consistent production; the bench WRs have been downright awful: Aromashadu and Evans both scored nothing in Wk-2, despite being active. Santonio Holmes cannot come back from suspension soon enough.  Besides the big game from Snelling in place of Turner, the bench RBs have been equally as bad, with the speedy Felix and Leon each not seeing enough touches to warrant a start.  Finely had a disappointing start to the year, with only 4 catches for 47 yards, but came on strong with 4 for 103 in Wk-2.  The Bengals DST also bounced back in Wk-2, dominating Flacco and the Ravens, after getting shredded by Brady and the Pats in Wk-1.  This team is somewhat fortunate to be 2-0, as they’ve yet to reach their potential.  If the running game can step up and perform like they’re supposed to, and Floyd can become Rivers’ #1 guy, then the Jizms should continue winning, but that is looking far from a sure thing at this point in the season.

5.) TOUGH TITTIES (1-1;195.3; cbs-7)
Swords had a tough opener, scoring only 70+ in losing to Lex and his 101.  These things happen when Brees scores under 15, no 20+ outputs, and a handful of single digits, including the rare stinker from Andre Johnson, who only caught 3 passes for 33 yards.  Dallas Clark was the only real baller in that one, with 11 catches, a TD, and 19.5.  Bradshaw managed to find the endzone, and score a solid 14.  But the pieces started to fall into place for Swords in Wk-2: Brees stepped up with 23, and Andre returned to form with 28, on 12 catches that included the game tying bomb, en route to 158 yards.  And Bradshaw added a nice 89 yards, but no scores.  Bradshaw is clearly the mailman in NY now, with Jacobs acting the fool and running like a bitch, all of which bodes very well for Swords and the Titties’ running game, as the season progresses.  Bradshaw has become VERY important, especially in light of the slow start to Jonathan Stewart’s season and the suspect RB depth (Swords really needs Beanie Wells to get healthy, and step it up.)  Depth a WR is also an issue after Andre, but Swords may have alleviated this issue by trading red-hot Jay Cutler to QB-starved Prah, for Santana Moss, who could post some very nice numbers with D-Mac throwing him the rock: Moss’s 10 catch, 89 yard Wk-2 is a VERY positive sign in this department.  Good trade, that aided both teams, although Prah may end up with the better end of it if Cutler keeps it up.  And speaking of Cutler and the Bears’ O, Swords has both Hester and Knox, each of whom has the potential to produce: the problem is figuring out which one is gonna get the most action.  After being subjected to the whims of Hal5000’s selection method, Swords is looking solid, especially considering he currently is holding the league’s best D, the Steelrs, who suffocated the Titans O, shutting down CJ and taking the ball away 7 times, en route to a huge 27.

6.) PRAHBLO ESCOBAR (1-1; 182.3; cbs-8)
The Escobars had a huge bounce-back effort in Wk-2, with 124+ points, and all with Javid Best and his 45.7 left to rot in the hot sun of Don Prah’s bench.  Prah needed very little of his scoring explosion to beat the woeful WFF, and in fact could have won by starting Best, and Best alone, as his 45+ output surpassed that of Kenyon’s ENTIRE TEAM, but more on HIS weak-ass later.  After facing a dire QB situation with Kolb dealing with a concussion, Prah made a nice trade to acquire Jay Cutler, which paid off nicely, as Cutler posted a nearly flawless 3-TD, 29+ performance.  This trade was made all the more important after the announcement that Vick will be the Eagles’ starting QB for the foreseeable future.  And it is not like Prah even needs Santana Moss, what with a SICK starting WR combo of Roddy White and DeSean Jackson, not to mention rookie Demaryius Thomas and his breakout 19.7 performance (8 for 121, 1TD) from the bench.  With Cutler on fire, and these WRs, this team is looking fierce, and we have hardly touched on the backfield.  Yeah, Best in the truth, after going berserker in his 2nd game as a pro, against a decent enough Philly D. Steven Jackson is the perfect producer back to compliment Best, and should mitigate any off games from the rookie.  And if Darren McFadden continues his strong play this year – he’s avergaing 20 FF points and 120 RuYd per game – this could be a backfield to be reckoned with; and Prah will have one of those “good problems:” which 2 of these 3 studs to start.  Oh, and he’s got Owen Daniels at TE, who has yet to get off; but you know it is coming.  The Escobars are ranked 6th here only because they’re still digging themselves out of the 57-point hole they dug for themselves in Wk-1; but look for this squad to go screaming up the PRs if the aforementioned trends continue.

7.) PIERCE & PIERCE (0-2; 204.3; cbs-5)
Larry is the PFL’s defending champ, and it seems that the Champion’s Curse is again in full-effect.  The last three champs have seemingly faced an unusually hard slate of opponents, and their berserkers.  Of course this makes sense in a weird sort of way, that the Champs get everyone’s A-game.  So Larry lost in Wk-1, in spite of having 2 berserker games from Foster and CJ, with outputs of 42 and 29, respectively.  But without any producers, a couple of berserkers can go for nought, much like what happen to Larry in Wk-1, when the rest of P&P only posted 43.28 to go along with the 71.3 from the two RBs.  Romo was the only producer here, with 17; and Rackers added 10.  Everyone else was in single digits, and Larry lost 126-114.6; tough one.  In Wk-2, there were no berserkers, and still few producers.  Foster added a solid 15+ to the cause, but CJ got shut down, which is understandable since he faced the Steelers’ ridiculous D.  Romo posted another underwhelming, sub-20 performance.  Calvin stepped up some, with a TD and 15.  All this added up to a decent enough 89, but once again, Larry faced the week’s top scoring team, the Wiggles, who posted 128.  Larry should fine: P&P has a great backfield with CJ, foster, and Portis, plus a stud WR in Megatron, but depth issues could bite this team going forward.  The WRs – Massoquai, Crabtree, Edwards, and McCluster, are all spotty at best, and Cassel and Young don’t inspire too much confidence at QB, especially since Romo is not posting big numbers yet.  Still, Romo will get his, as will CJ and Calvin; and if Foster is the truth, this team will be a tough out.  They could use some help at TE to make this happen.

8.) ROCS IN SOCKS (1-1;189.5; cbs-5)
The Roccos have defied the Draft Grades, and have started the season very strong.  Waiting awhile for Matt Ryan might have been a good call, because he’s looked very good thus far, and blew up for 3 TD passes and 25 points in Wk-2.  The Rocs won a low-scoring squeaker over the Hairy Knuckles in Wk-1, 88-84, and lost a tough high-scoring shootout, 124-101, to Swords’ Tough Titties in Wk-2.  Chris won in Wk-1 thanks to his imposing 3-Wide lineup: Smith(Car), Wayne, and 85 all scored TDs, and at least 16, with Ochocinco going off for 28.  Chad fell off big in Wk-2, but Wayne and Smith still delivered with TDs and around 15 points worth of production.  These 3 perrenial Pro-Bowlers must stave off the affects of aging, and injury, for Chris to be succesful this year, as he is getting little to no help from the running game.  Deangelo has yet to get off, which is becoming a big concern, because after him, there is literally no one worth a start: Fred Jax, Chester, Maroney, and Jacobs all have major issues, to say the least, with Fred being the best option, which isn’t saying much.  Celek is another player who needs to produce, and soon.  He’s had less than 5 points in each of the first 2 weeks.  This team is hanging tough, but has some SERIOUS questions that need answering.

9.) THE B’MORE OMARS (1-1; 169.9; cbs-9)
Last season’s PFL runner-up, The Omars started their season off right by defeating Miesse and The Wiggles with a nice 99.2 point effort.  But upon closer inspection, the victory is somewhat tainted by the lack of producers in the lineup: Palmer and Nicks combined for 52.2 of the 99.2 that the Omars posted, leaving V.Davis and the Ravens DST as the only other double digits scorers, barely, with 11.3 and 10, respectively.  Remember, 2 lone berserkers does not a victory make; just ask Larry.  But as win is a win, that is, until you lose, which is what happened to McQ in Wk-2.  The Omars got a few decent outputs against the Dons this past week, but with Carson Palmer falling WAY off from Wk-1 (24.7 to 6.58), and no 3TD games from a WR, Johnny Mac couldn’t make up for another week of pedestrian numbers: Ray Rice led the team with only 13.7.  Speaking of Ray Ray: he’s gotten off to a slow start through 2 games, averaging a slight 10.5 per.  And with the way AP has been running and catching, does McHugh have a little Homer remorse?  Of course it is still early, but Rice needs to deliver bigtime if the Omars are gonna make any noise, and get back to the playoffs, especially since Shon Greene is already looking like a bust, as LdT is taking command of the feature back role for the NYJ.  McHugh has little to work with on the bench vis a vis RBs: McGahee is a handcuff, and Mike Bush is still out, and may be McFadden’s cuff when he gets back, based on how well Run-DMC has been playing.  At least the Omars are looking very strong at recivers: Vernon is a beast, and will post numbers; Nicks has the potential to be a big producer for the Giants; rookie Mike Williams, for Tampa, has been outstanding through 2 games, with a TD; same goes for Maclin, who also has 2 scores; and finally, Brandon Marshall, while yet to breakout, has plenty of big games ahead for him.  We loved the Omars’ draft, but now, not so much; they are still dangerous, but need to shore up their RB depth, and they MUST have consistent good performances from Palmer.

10.) HAIRY KNUCKLES (0-2; 164.7; cbs-11)
It’s been a rather rude FF welcome to the PFL, for our new owner Goldie and his Hairy Knuckles.  Not only are they 0-2, but they lost 1st round draft pick, Ryan Grant, for the entire season.  And to add insult to literal injury, fellow Monroe homie, Lex, snatched up Brandon Jackson, Grant’s backup, with his #1 waiver priority; Goldie was #2.  Ouch!  That’s the bad news.  The good news is that there is actually still a lot to like about this team.  First of all, in Wk-1, HK would have beat Chris and the Rocs (they lost by less than 4) if Grant didn’t leave the game early with his season ending ankle injury.  And in Wk-2, they faced a 100-point team in the tough Cleaveland Steamers (Lex has really got Goldie’s number, doesn’t he?)  With that being said, it’s not like HK is lighting it up, averaging just over 82.  But still, they have some promise.  Goldie made a smooth move by grabbing Vick: This is huge because A.) Vick is playing very well – an impressive 27 starting for HK in Wk2 – and he is now the Eagles starting QB for the foreseeable future, and B.) Favre and Anderson are not getting the job done.  The remaining RBs don’t necessarily scare you, but have some upside.  Moreno could turn into a legit #1RB if only he can get more carries; enough with this Buckhalter shit! says Dave.  LdT (We don’t call him LT, because there is only ONE LT) has been a nice surprise for the Jets; based on his good play, and Greene’s poor play, Tomlinson could be quite a dangerous option, especially with his pass-catching ability.  Harrison has been kind of a bum, and loses carries to Hillis.  But maybe Fred Taylor will get some play, now that Maroney is in Denver, and Kevin Faulk is IRed.  The WR corps and TE are the strength of this team: Shiancoe is clearly Favre’s most dependable target; Boldin and Moss make for a fine 1-2 starting punch, with berserker Moss and producer Boldin complimenting one another perfectly.  And the depth here is decent with Mike Williams(SEA), Breaston, and Gresham.  The Hairy Knuckles have dug themselves a hairy hole, but could start making some noise if Vicks keeps playing out of his mind, and Knowshon Moreno takes his game to the next level.

11.) LOBSOSAURUS REX (1-1; 159.6; cbs-10)
Foster and LRex have really struggled to score so far this season, apart from Peyton Manning.  Manning virtually won the game for LRex singlehandedly in Wk-1, with a huge 400+ yards, 3 TD, 35+ game.  The rest of the squad was pretty miserable, with all single digits besides Gates and his 16 and Addai and his 10.  But fortunately, Kenyon’s WFF were equally shitty, and Foster won a close contest, 80.8-74.2.  It was the same story for LRex in the following week versus the Emissions: again, Manning and Gates produced, with 28 & 20 points, respectively, but that was about it.  Addai added 12.3, to make him only the 3rd LRex player in double-digits.  But Addai lost some carries and a TD to Donald Brown, which should seriously concern Foster; with Ryan Matthews out for at least a week or two, Addai becomes vital to this teams success.  And when he was healthy, Matthews wasn’t doing a whole lot anyway.  The RB depth is pretty thin: Barber just doesn’t get enough touches; Thomas Jones is looking pretty good, but he too is in a BFBC (BackFieldByCommittee.)  At this point, it is looking like Foster is probably gonna have to go 3-Wide on occaison due to his RB issues.  But does he have the WR corps?  The answer is maybe.  The problem is, that LRex doesn’t even have a true #1, just a bunch of 2s and 3s with upside.  Bowe is garbage; Mason is solid, but can’t be counted upon; Ward is probably the best option now; and Mannigham has nice upside, but again, is in an offense that spreads it around, so he can’t be depended upon.  The only thing that Foster has going for him, besides Peyton, is at the TE position; where he has two proven producers in Gates and Cooley.  Do you smell that?  Yes, there is definitely a doodie odor wafting from this team, but we’re smelling a trade for Cooley.

12.) WAKKA FLACCO FLAME (0-2; 117.8; cbs-12)
Well, what can we say about this team, other than, “It puts the lotion on Its skin!”  Because Kenyon and the Wakka Flacco Flame are deep down in Buffalo Bill’s basement hole, aka #12 in the PRs.  OK, so the Wk-1 loss to LRex wasn’t terribly horrid: Kenyon got a nice 16+ game from Jamaal Charles, who rushed for over 90 with a TD; MoJo also had a solid rushing total, with 98, but no scores; and Larry Fitz scored.  But Flacco, as expected, struggled to score points against the strong Jets D.  And unfortunately, Tony Gonzalez and Colston didn’t step up, with a combined 13.2.  So Kenyon lost a close, low scoring affair, to Foster and LRex, 80.82-74.42.  And now onto Kenyon’s nightmare in Wk-2, where the wheels fell right the fuck off this ride.  As we mentioned earlier, the WFF were outscored by Javid Best, from Prahblo’s bench, 45.7-43.4.  The rest of the Escobars went on to score 124+ in this blowout.  Anatomy of a FF Abortion: The DST scores as many TDs as the rest of your lineup; which  was Flacco’s lone TD pass, that helped mitigate the damage from his 4 picks; oh, and said DST only managed 1 point, even after getting a Dez Bryant punt return TD; MoJo catches ONE pass, has 48 total yards, and a LOST FUMBLE; Tony G has only 2 catches for 19 yards; your best player, with the lone double digit output, Larry Fitz, avergaed less than 12 yards per catch.  Of course it is still early, and Kenyon and the WFF still have the stable to make some FF noise.  But that’s all we have to say about this team, because, quite frankly, we’re disgusted right now.

xoxo,
the Media

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As promised, here’s where my head is at, as far as Sports goes, in this, the Summer of our Lord, 2010.  Sorry this post is starting off with some old shit; just haven’t gotten around to tightening up and publishing my notes till now.  I promise that each topic will get subsequently more, well, topical, as we move along.

More on LeBron’s Weak Shit

Here are a couple of my favorite LeBron-to-Miami reactions:

The G.O.A.T also thinks that LeBron’s shit is weak.  “I am Michael Jordan.  And you, Sir, are no Michael Jordan.  I’m Michael Jordan, and I approved this message.”

Here is, by far, the best take on LeBron, from the great Drew Magary, as per usual: http://deadspin.com/5581889/lebron-james-is-a-cocksucker.  As you can see, I left the enitre url intact, rather than couch the link in text, because no one writes a headline like Drew Magary.

And in the spirit of fairness, here is the counterpoint to Magary’s piece, also from the great sports blog Deadspin.com: http://deadspin.com/5583152/counterpoint-lebron-james-is-not-a-cocksucker.

Oh, and Jay-Z is apparently not pleased. Now you’ve gone and pissed off Hova, Lebron: not good.

Dan Gilbert

You can’t blame this cat for going fucking ballistic over the way LeBron left the Cleveland Cavaliers.  First of all, as owner of the Cavs, Gilbert had to watch his franchise lose, like, at least $100 million in value during a televised dog-and-pony-show hosted by that douchebag Jim Grey.  And secondly, Gilbert watched arguably the world’s most exciting basketball player “take his talents to South Beach” along with Gilbert’s best chance to bring the first championship to Cleveland since 1964.  So I get it: getting dumped by the hottest girl in school really, really, sucks. especially when she leaves you for someone way sexier and shallower.

But Gilbert has gone way off the deep end here, and his actions are analogous to spreading nasty rumors about, calling and hanging up on, and driving by the house of, said hot chick.  That ridiculous diatribe that Gilbert “penned” on the Cavs website should have been subjected to the whole put-the-angry-letter-in-the-desk-drawer rule, because both he and it could have used a little cooling off time.  And perhaps the choice of going with the “Comic Sans” type-font wasn’t the best call in hindsight, as the hand-written style of the font closely resembles the penmanship of the bat-shit crazy poo-painting inmates locked up in solitary (I love me some MSNBC’s “Lockup.”)  The choice of the Comic Sans font was so curious to people, that #comicsans became a trending topic on Twitter.

OK, now lemme just bottom-line this business, as this story is well past it’s expiration date:  Gilbert’s anger and impulsiveness, while understandable and somewhat admirable, is also immature and short-sighted.  How many big-time free-agents are gonna choose to play for Gilbert and his Cavs, now that he has blasted and aired some dirty laundry of the one of the league’s most popular players.  Players talk, Dan.  If I’m a Cavs fan, I’m pretty pissed about this, as Gilbert spent up a lot of the good-will and rooting that is coming the Cavs way in the wake of their very public dumping.  If you own a pro sports franchise, you just have to be able to take the high road in these type of situations, especially when dealing with extremely large children.  Besides, most owners should remain invisible anyway: unless you own a transcendent sports franchise, that is worth billions, thanks in large part to your efforts, no one really takes you seriously or gives a fuck about what you say anyway.

George “The Boss” Steinbrenner

And while we’re on the subject of iconic team owners and, shall we say, less than dignified behavior, I gotta say a few things about The Boss.  First, let’s get all the bad shit out of the way – and mind you, I’m a Yankees fan.  Now I am to young to be cognizant of the days when George was kind of out of control, and was firing Billy Martin during the press conference announcing the man’s hiring.  This kind of stuff, and the rest of Steinbrenner’s antics back then, fall into the aforementioned category of STFU.  George didn’t really earn the right to be such an over-bearing presence at that time, even after bringing two titles back to the Bronx in the late 70s.  He would have done well to shut his mouth and listen a little more; perhaps those great Yankee teams would have been a dynasty had he done so.  And all those shenanigans just made him look more like the buffoon famously caricatured in Seinfeld.  Over time, George did become a great elder statesman, all while maintaining that great bad-assery he was so known for.

George Steinbrenner’s mercurial and somewhat ruthless personality most definitely was a mixed bag, and probably had a lot to do with both his personal, and the Yankees’ team, success, thus making George like any other complicated individual, only amplified to the extreme.  And I have complicated feelings about the way that The Boss obsessively chased championships at all costs like Ahab, with seemingly little regard for what carnage lie in his wake.  On the one hand, I of course understand that George endeavored to put the best product on the field each year, and I have personally enjoyed the sweet fruits of the Boss’ efforts as we Yankee fans have watched our Bronx Bombers ascend to the premiere professional sports franchise in the world.  But on the other hand, the precedent set by Steinbrenner’s literal win-at-all-costs strategy has hurt the competitive balance of Major League Baseball, and has taken some of the fun out of winning when you have the highest payroll by a mile.  I’m not complaining too much, because I sure do appreciate being a Yankees fan instead of rooting for, say, the Pirate or Royals.  However, it is extremely annoying to deal with the inevitable payroll complaints when discussing Yankee greatness.  This is one of the main reasons why the NFL is by and far the most popular professional sport in America: this time of year every team has hope to make a run at a world championship.  Again, George played within the rules, and made up some of his own when he could, so he deserves the adulation from the Yankees’ faithful, and the ire from the rest of baseball.

As far as the personal side of the Boss goes, the side often hidden from the general public and media: every account since his passing paints a picture of a great man with a huge heart who would give of himself every chance he got.  The most public version of this aspect of Steinbrenner’s character manifested itself in the way George reached out to help troubled players like Darryl Strawberry and Doc Godden, and was always ready to grant a blessed second chance.  So many stories from people who have been on the receiving end of George’s great charity have emerged since his passing, the reason being that Steinbrenner did not his generosity publicized, thus making his philanthropy all the more sincere and meaningful.

Like I said, the Boss was a complicated and great man, who I feel is the embodiment of the so-called Byronic Hero, my favorite kind of hero.  He certainly was an idealized but flawed man, as all the great and interesting ones are.  He died as champion, and has left the New York Yankees as the #1 sports property in all of sports.  So I tip my cap to you George, the Boss; fare thee well on the Other Side.

Stay tuned for more on…

A-Rod’s 600th HR (and why no one gives a flying fuck.)

MLB and the Season of the Pitcher

And some other stuff…




LordhaveMERcy! there has been a lot of action in the world of sports recently, so much that I have welcomed this All-Star break; I needed the breather.  Usually this time of year is one of two death-valleys in sporting news, the other being around the NBA All-Star break in mid-to-late February.  But in this mid-summer of 2010 the sports wire is just crackling with electricity; stories abound: the World Cup, Baseball, LeBron’s decision and the rest of the NBA free-agency, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, and some high profile passings, all with NFL training-camp looming on the horizon.  So now that the dust has settled somewhat after all these earthquakes, and their subsequent aftershocks, I’d like to provide my commentary on them, starting with the biggest story of all:

LeBron’s decision to leave Cleveland, and “take [his] talents to South Beach”

Everyone knew that wherever LeBron decided to play this Fall, it would send shock-waves throughout the NBA, and the sporting world in general, but no one could have predicted that LeBron’s bomb would be of the nuclear variety, with all the accompanying fallout.

I’ve been a big LeBron fan from the get-go; I’ve marveled at the way this kid has delivered on the astronomical hype that has followed him since his skull completely hardened, all while managing to maintain a relatively good head on his humongous shoulders.  I’m pretty jaded and cynical about athletes and celebrities, so it is a rare thing when I can genuinely respect one’s character as well as their talent: LeBron is in this rarefied air as far as I’m concerned.  But with that being said, LeBron takes a real big hit in my book over how he’s handled this whole situation.

Now I don’t feel that LeBron James owes Cleveland anything really, but the city and it’s fans certainly did not deserve the kick in the teeth they got during the circle-jerk that was the ill-conceived, hour-long ESPN “special” (more on those ESPN jerk-offs later.)  The whole program was weird, unnecessary, and blatantly self-serving for all involved.  And what’s up with holding it at a Boys & Girls Club in Greenwich, CT? arguably the wealthiest fucking town in the WORLD! Matt Taibbi has a great take, as usual, on the whole ESPN debacle here on his new RollingStone.com blog.

While LeBron is taking the most criticism for the poor handling of his announcement, he’s also taking a lot of heat for choosing the Heat.  As much as I want to buck the consensus of the sports opinion echo-chamber, I will have to agree that Lebron’s choice to join Dwayne Wade, and now Chris Bosh, in Miami can be described as weak, at best.  For all the talk about legacy, and the next Jordan, and “King” James, and being “Chosen,” or “I Am A Witness,” the fact is apparently lost on LeBron that in choosing the Miami Heat, attaining the legendary status he at one time seemed destined for will be a lot less likely, regardless of how many championships he wins with the Heat.  The reason I say this is that leading the Cavs or Knicks (full disclosure: I’m Knick fan, albeit a dormant one) to an NBA title is equal to 5 with the Heat.  People will now expect Miami to go on a dynastic run now that they have three of the premiere players in the league, including arguably two of the top 3. Where’s the fun in that?  Sure, in order to win it all, an NBA team usually needs two all-star caliber players, but this should happen way more organically than the contrived way the Miami deal went down. And Miami is Wade’s town anyway; he was here first, drafted the same year the Cavs took LeBron first overall, and is the only one from that class to lead his team and city to a championship.  So Miami will always be Wade’s town.  Ideally LeBron would stay with the city he was drafted by, Cleveland, a title starved, passionate town, who also happen to have the bonus serendipity factor of being 30 miles from LeBron’s home town and people of Akron, Ohio.  We all love a good narrative, and LeBron bringing home the Larry O’Brien trophy to Cleveland would certainly qualify as story-book.

With all that being said, I can totally understand why LeBron would be ready to move on after 7 years in Cleveland, and, again, I don’t begrudge him for doing so.  Can you blame a 25-year old with hundreds of millions of dollars for not wanting to settle down in the Rust Belt?  But if he had leave Cleveland, there were a number of better options from a legacy and narrative perspective.  There could have been another great narrative had LeBron chose to play for the New York Knicks and resuscitated that historic but atrophied franchise.  Think about it: the day LeBron signs with the New York Knicks, he instantly becomes bigger than Jeter, A-Rod, Eli, and Sanchez…combined.  I could even live with LeBron in Chicago, where at least he’d still be the Alpha Dog on roster talented enough to make a deep playoff run.  And perhaps the most delicious scenario of all, from a narrative perspective, would be if LeBron went to the Los Angeles Clippers.  It would be fabulous if LeBron James left Cleveland to fight Kobe in his own back yard for the hearts of L.A. and the title of World’s Best Baller.  Ahhh, dare to dream.

But Miami?  Ugh.  Another reason this move is weak-ass is that Miami is kind of a shitty sports town, and no one will convince me otherwise. In my opinion the amount of true sports energy and fandom in and about a city is inversely proportional to the attractiveness of it’s average citizen. In other words: there is simply too much hot scattered ass in Miami for people to take more than a fleeting interest in it’s sports franchises.  Of course Miami is gonna sell-out every home game and will be the hottest ticket in town for awhile, and will appear to be like the East Coast version of L.A.’s “Showtime”, but they will never have the local and national fan base of the legendary Lakers; hell, the Miami Heat have only been in existence for 22 years.

Again, I can’t completely blame LeBron for wanting to do his thing in a hot party town, with perfect weather, and in a state with no state income tax.  I’d probably make the same decision.  And while we’re on the subject of taxes, this issue should always be factored in when discussing the migration of professional athletes.  Florida and Texas, and all their myriad pro-sports franchises, have become a very attractive destination for free agents on the verge of signing huge contracts.  In the case of LeBron, he would pay around $12million in state taxes in New York, and about $6million in Ohio, but zero in Florida.  And that’s just counting his NBA salary income.

But again, and in summation, from strictly a psorts-narrative angle, Lebron’s move to Miami is pretty lame because he chose not to step up to the plate, be The Man or The Alpha, and take on the heavy lifting that is leading a passionate, hungry fan-base to a championship.  Because of all of this he is now just a great basketball player to me, and not the transcendent  “Chosen One” I hoped he could be.

Stay Tuned…

…for my take on the aforementioned other sports stories.  This post just became too long for me to delve into that other stuff.  But here’s a preview:

  • Cavs Owner Dan Gilbert: While I understand his beef over how LeBron handled things, I gotta kill this cat over how childish and short-sighted his comic-sans-fonted tirade was.
  • ESPN’s Coverage and Radio bits: “The Worldwide Leader’s” sycophantic drooling over LeBron’s announcement was very annoying.  And while their radio programs and hosts are actually very good, they need to leave the comedy bits to the professionals.
  • The passing of “The Boss.”:  Say what you will about Yankees Owner George Steinbrenner, you can’t deny he was a very complex character, and one of the most consequential owners in the history of professional sports.
  • A Quick World Cup postmortem: Something about this tournament really has stuck with me, and I may find myself starting to follow soccer more.
  • The State of MLB: The ‘Year of Pitcher’ is turning out to be way more exciting than the typical collective bludgeoning that pitchers have been subjected to over the past few decades.
  • NFL Training Camp:  In about two weeks NFL teams start reporting to college campuses and training facilities around the country, and I’ve already got a chubby.

I’ve caught the World Cup fever, and the only cure: more vuvuzela!  And it looks like I am not the

only one.  President Clinton has World Cup fever too. Check  Bubba celebrating the US victory over Algeria with Carlos Bocanegra and an oat-soda.

Today is the day.  No matter what the outcome when the United States takes on Ghana in the first knockout round of the World Cup, the game will be a tremendous experience, as pretty much the entire nation will have our eyes and hearts trained on a television set around 2 o’clock, eastern time.  The fact that we all – Red and Blue Americans – came come together behind the Red-White-and-Blue is a rare thing nowadays, and something to be savored.

These games have been so thrilling.  I watched all 90+ minutes of Wednesday’s US/Algeria match, and was disheartened as time waned by the notion that US Soccer would again be denied a chance to mix it up in the Sweet 16, especially after so many missed opportunities and poor calls.  But then Tim Howard made a great save and immediately fired the ball like an outlet pass in basketball to Donovan, and the fast break was on, culminating in Landon’s put-back goal after the Algerian goalies made yet another incredible save on yet another close range kick from Clint Dempsey.  I went bananas, as most of the country did, from what I’ve gathered.

What an amazing sporting event, with these electric finishes.  But, in the immortal words of Marty McFly in Back to the Future: Part III: “Why do we have to cut these things so damn close?”  I don’t know if I can handle another nail-biter; I’m down to my knuckles already.  Let’s get out to a lead for a change today, OK fellas?

And as I’ve mentioned in my previous post on the World Cup, Rivers Cuomo, front-man and driving force behind the great rock band Weezer, is not only a huge soccer fan, but a personal friend of Mr. 91′, Landon Donovan.  Anyway, Cuomo and Weezer wrote a song specifically in honor of the 2010 US World Cup squad called “Represent”.  It has become something of an anthem for our boys.  The new video is below, and it will get you fired up.

So get fired up.  This is gonna be a tough match: the “Black Stars” of Ghana are no joke.  But our team has a touch of destiny about it, and hundreds of millions of people 100% behind them.

So they’ve got that going for ’em.

U-S-A! All.  The.  Way.

The Monday Morning Punter, as you may know, is in reference to one of the only two occasions where the foot actually touches the ball in the misnomer that is American Football.  But for this month, picture the MMP like a bad-ass  goalie as he launches the ball like a freakin’ mortar across the huge field – Tim Howard will do fine for this mental exercise.  Yeah, I’m pretty into the World Cup.

Now I hardly know shit about soccer; never played the game, but greatly admire it from afar.  My sports were Football and Basketball.  And it is my familiarity with these two sports that always gave me an appreciation for the tremendous athleticism required to play Soccer; what it takes to run back and forth like a Basketball player on a field slightly wider than a Football gridiron.  But it’s not all about just running.  These cats have some hops, the way they get up there to head that ball, and balls, the way they risk those heads.  (I couldn’t play Soccer, because I’d be too busy screaming in a high pitched voice, “Not in the face!”)  The agility on display in this game is incredible, as the players weave themselves and the ball through a gauntlet of adversaries.  And I find it fascinating the way all these body parts are flying around and firing out, everything but the arms and hands.  It is all beautifully spastic.  And this all leads to some real rough moments and some pretty gruesome injuries.  Soccer players are kind of bad-asses, expect for when they flop about like Vlade Divac or Manu Ginobli (it’s probably not a coincidence that some of the NBA’s best all-time floppers hail from countries where Soccer is big.)

Another big reason for my appreciation for Soccer is that lots of my friends not only played and play the game, but are really good at it; back in the day they won a lot of games .  At Masuk High School, my alma mater, the Panthers were a force to be reckoned with, as we dominated southeastern Connecticut, and were in the mix for States.  Big Ups to my boys – Kenyon, Jeff, Dave, Lex, Chris, Tony, among others – who anchored those great Masuk teams of the mid 90s, from the time they were freshman or sophomores.  My college friends had mad success too: Nasty Nate, Jimmy, and Prah kicked ass in central PA for the Mifflinburg Wildcats; and the twins, Ben and Dan, brought home a New Jersey State Championship for Princeton High School.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not following club teams, nor do I have a favorite MLS squad.  This little crush only comes around every four years.  I’ll never be full-time Soccer fan because, like most Americans, I simply don’t have any more room in my life for another sport.   I have a hard enough time keeping up with the ones I already follow, especially since the NFL pretty much has a hold of at least a little of my attention all twelve months of the year now.  It’s just like the Olympics: most people dig the Swimming and Snowboarding and Track & Field, but they are not following the box scores  after The Games.

So I am gonna enjoy this spectacle that is the entire world coming together, and going bananas over The World’s Game.   The sights of the flags and crazy, colorful costumes, combined with the sounds of singing and, mostly, vuvuzelas (more on those in a bit), are all truly something to behold.  And finally, you have gotta love our own country galvanizing behind our Boys in Blue, as they try to kick the world apart.  U-S-A!!!  U-S-A!!!

Here a few other thoughts regarding the 2010 World Cup:

Far-Right Poltical Reaction –

It figures that certain far-right bloggers and commentators would get their myopic, xenophobic, moronic panties in a bunch over the inherent “Anti-Americanism” of Soccer.  What a bunch of jerk-offs.  These asshole see “Anti-Americanism” under their beds every night and in their Cheerios every morning.

New York City –

I was living down in the West Village back in the summer of 2002, when the World Cup took place, and was amazed and delighted by how often you would pass by a random bar packed full of people repping some nation, and cheering their squad in full throat at 9:30 on a weekday morning.  The crock-pot of cultures that is NYC has to be one of the most exciting places to be during the World Cup.

The Vuvuzelas –

By now everyone has heard about the plastic buzzing horns, also known as Vuvuzelas, that sound like gigantic kazoos, and created the sensation of being inside a bee’s nest.  They’ve been the talk of the tournament not related to the play on the field.  Most people seem to hate them, finding the sound very annoying.  Me, I don’t really mind them all that much.  For one, I’ve always been partial to droning sounds: I can easily sleep to the sounds of AC units, traffic, fans, and the like.  I’ve already has a nice little power-nap during the middle of one game; I of course didn’t miss any scoring.

But the biggest reason I dig the vuvuzelas is because of how much they seems to be pissing everyone off, specifically the powers that be like the players and commentators.  But that’s just the rascal in me.  “Waaaagh, the buzzing is bothering me!”  Shut the fuck up and do your job, Soft Serve.

Weezer’s Un-Offical, Official USA Soccer Anthem –

Weezer front-man, and Harvard-grad, Rivers Cuomo is apparently a huge soccer fan, so much so that the following  song is the second written specifically in honor of the US team, and its pursuit of our nation’s first World Cup.  Idon’t know about the last song from 2006, but this one rocks!  This is quintessential Weezer, blasting the power chords as they get us fired up for an improbable run at The Cup.  So enjoy this bitchin’ song and video, “Represent.”  If you really dig it, I’m pretty sure it can be had for free on iTunes until this Friday.

For whom The Bell tolls?  It tolls for thee, Slovenia, 10 o’clock est, Friday morning.  Keep talkin shit, and you’ll catch it but good you little punks!  U-S-A!!!  U-S-A!!!  U-S-muthafuckin’-A!!!!

Tomorrow is the big day: The Masters!  And I must say that I’m really excited about it.  First of all, although I’m not yet a golfer, I get all jazzed up about The Masters each and every year for a number of reasons.  The first major tournament of the season signals to me the unofficial start of Spring: after The Masters, a chilly-ass day is the exception rather than the rule.  Another thing that makes The Masters the preeminent tournament in golf is the familiarity that comes with it being held each year at Augusta National Golf Club (as opposed to the other three major tournaments, which change venues each year, for those of you who don’t know shit about any of this stuff.)  Even if you just having a passing interest in golf or The Masters, you know about the harrowing 11th, 12th, and 13th Holes, also known as ‘Amen Corner;’ you recognize the Sarazen Bridge, and President Eisenhower’s Tree and Pond.   So when you combine Spring in Georgia, with a pristinely designed and manicured golf course full of history, you get tradition, and some incredibly stunning scenes of natural beauty.  And now with HD, the Azaleas, Magnolias, and Dogwoods, exploding with color in their full Spring bloom against a backdrop of ancient Oaks on a big TV, are enough to give you an eyegasm.  Also, if you happen to have DirecTV, you get a few bonus channels of coverage for free, which is nice, that focus on some of the more noteworthy holes.  And, as a bonus, for all the tea-bagging, birther, GOP, freedom-loving, real Americans out there, y’all even get a nice little slice of the Antebellum South (Augusta National was built on a former plantations, still has no Female membership, had no Black membership until the early 90s but had all Black caddies until the early 80s.)

But we all know that this year’s Masters is extra special, and we all know why: Tiger, Tiger Woods y’all!

The whole world will have their eyes fixed on this year’s Masters to see what happens.  Literally hundreds of reporters from dozens of media outlets worldwide have already descended upon little ‘ol Augusta, Georgia.  Of course this is more than a little ridiculous because all that is really gonna happen is that Tiger is gonna hit a little ball with a big stick, walk after it, and do it again.  I mean, it is not like Jamie Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel are gonna pop up from under The Hogan Bridge and demand that Tiger, “answer we, these questions three,” in order for him to pass over Rae’s Creek en route to the 12th green.  (But Jocelyn James, she of the very freaky Tiger texts, will be dancing at a strip-club in Atlanta, 100 miles from Augusta; so he’s got that going for him…)

The real thing everyone will be looking for is how Tiger will handle the scrutiny and pressure at what is ordinarily one of the most scrutinized and pressure-packed tournaments of the year.  The Masters is also an event that Tiger has dominated since turning pro, with 4 titles and numerous top-ten finishes.  Tiger’s length is tailor made for success on this course – pun very much intended.

Personally, I am very much looking forward to testing my abilities as a pop-psychologist regarding Tiger when he tees off Thursday at 1:42 pm.  Playing pop-psychologist is one of my favorite pastimes, because I fancy myself as someone who knows a thing or two about the neat little tricks the mind can play on its owner.  I think that Tiger has been striving towards this robotic version of human perfection in a sport that has a minuscule margin for error, a sport in which even a momentary loss of focus can result in disastrous consequences on the course.  My theory is that no matter what Tiger does on the golf course, this Terminator image of him has been shattered – an image he and his sponsors worked hard to cultivate – and that will affect his legendary focus and, ultimately, his golf game.  Because, regardless of how many tournaments he wins, regardless of whether or not he surpasses the great Jack Nicklaus in terms of major titles, Tiger is just another entitled jerkoff, who can’t keep his dick in his pants.  I dunno, I just think that this fact cannot help but be constantly gnawing at the back of his mind, which I believe will affect not only his game this week; but, more importantly, I feel that it will affect his overall drive and desire to be the greatest golfer ever..who just happened to engage in unprotected sex with a litany of random women, with a lovely wife and two young children at home.

So here’s my prediction:  Tiger doesn’t even make the cut. Remember that you heard it here, from the Monday Morning Punter.

And finally, I find it endlessly funny that Tiger chose to make his return to golf at The Masters, because masterbation would have saved Tiger a world of trouble.

UPDATE: So Tiger shot his best first round ever at The Masters, with a 4-under-par 68, and is making me look like an asshole, and a shitty pop-psychologist.  Dick!

While brevity is not one of my strong suits, I shall try to keep my commentary on the last half of the summer short and sweet – so short and sweet, in fact, that my observations and opinions on some noteworthy events from the last half of the summer shall be presented in the form of little poems. Enjoy the shortness and the sweetness, but take some wet-naps: they’re sticky.

July 18th: The Dark Knight opens world-wide.

Heath Ledger’s creepily awesome performance

In The Dark Knight was great;

Makes me hope that the Dead can see what’s going on down here…

…Except for when I masturbate.

July 24th: Barack Obama speaks in Berlin, in front of 200,000.

Obama is admired around the world;

And somehow this is bad to think?

Perhaps they’re putting stupid,

In water half the people drink.

July 29th: A 5.4 earthquake hits the Los Angeles area.

The Earth shook below

The Hollywood Hills.

How long will it be

Till the Big One that kills?

July 29th: SIRIUS and XM satellite radios merge after over 17 months of government review. It took less than one year to approve the Exxon/Mobil merger.

SIRIUS and XM

Could finally unite,

In spite of the Radio’s

Political fight.

August 7th: Brett Favre is traded from the Green Bay Packers to the New York Jets.

I woke in the morning,

And Favre was a Jet.

If only I’d placed,

That 100 to 1 bet.

August 8th: John Edwards admits to having an affair with his videographer.

Affairs in remission,

Are not all that bad,

According to Edwards,

The Cad of All Cads.

August 8th: The Opening Ceremonies commence the Games of the XXIX Olympiad.

The Opening Ceremony,

Was remarkably done.

China showed what can happen

When working as one.

August 13th: Michael Phelps wins a record eighth gold medal in a single Olympics.

Phelps upon winning, 

Eight medals of gold,

Is a Hero of Heroes,

His feats to behold.

August 15th: Mike and the Mad Dog (Chris Russo) officially end their historic, 19 year run as one of America’s preeminent sports-talk teams.

An end of the era that was

Mike and the Dog on ‘The FAN’.

Now Chris leaves for SIRIUS,

To be the one Man.

August 24th: The Summer Olympics conclude with the Closing Ceremony. The United States finish second in the gold count with 36, to China’s 51.

Hats off to China,

And all their medals of shining gold.

And not too bad for Team USA,

All of whom play without being told.

August 27th: Barack Obama accepts the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

For people who say,

“Well what will he change?”

Please pay attention,

It’s not all that strange.

September 4th: John McCain accepts the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

This convention is nonsense;

Its delegates creepy.

Social fluff and no issues,

Put me to sleepy.

September 4th:The 2008 NFL season officially kicks off with the Superbowl Champion NY Giants hosting the Washington Redskins.

Football has started,

Our Nation’s true past-time.

Now 31 teams hope for

Better than last time.