Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

The Monday Morning Punter, as you may know, is in reference to one of the only two occasions where the foot actually touches the ball in the misnomer that is American Football.  But for this month, picture the MMP like a bad-ass  goalie as he launches the ball like a freakin’ mortar across the huge field – Tim Howard will do fine for this mental exercise.  Yeah, I’m pretty into the World Cup.

Now I hardly know shit about soccer; never played the game, but greatly admire it from afar.  My sports were Football and Basketball.  And it is my familiarity with these two sports that always gave me an appreciation for the tremendous athleticism required to play Soccer; what it takes to run back and forth like a Basketball player on a field slightly wider than a Football gridiron.  But it’s not all about just running.  These cats have some hops, the way they get up there to head that ball, and balls, the way they risk those heads.  (I couldn’t play Soccer, because I’d be too busy screaming in a high pitched voice, “Not in the face!”)  The agility on display in this game is incredible, as the players weave themselves and the ball through a gauntlet of adversaries.  And I find it fascinating the way all these body parts are flying around and firing out, everything but the arms and hands.  It is all beautifully spastic.  And this all leads to some real rough moments and some pretty gruesome injuries.  Soccer players are kind of bad-asses, expect for when they flop about like Vlade Divac or Manu Ginobli (it’s probably not a coincidence that some of the NBA’s best all-time floppers hail from countries where Soccer is big.)

Another big reason for my appreciation for Soccer is that lots of my friends not only played and play the game, but are really good at it; back in the day they won a lot of games .  At Masuk High School, my alma mater, the Panthers were a force to be reckoned with, as we dominated southeastern Connecticut, and were in the mix for States.  Big Ups to my boys – Kenyon, Jeff, Dave, Lex, Chris, Tony, among others – who anchored those great Masuk teams of the mid 90s, from the time they were freshman or sophomores.  My college friends had mad success too: Nasty Nate, Jimmy, and Prah kicked ass in central PA for the Mifflinburg Wildcats; and the twins, Ben and Dan, brought home a New Jersey State Championship for Princeton High School.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not following club teams, nor do I have a favorite MLS squad.  This little crush only comes around every four years.  I’ll never be full-time Soccer fan because, like most Americans, I simply don’t have any more room in my life for another sport.   I have a hard enough time keeping up with the ones I already follow, especially since the NFL pretty much has a hold of at least a little of my attention all twelve months of the year now.  It’s just like the Olympics: most people dig the Swimming and Snowboarding and Track & Field, but they are not following the box scores  after The Games.

So I am gonna enjoy this spectacle that is the entire world coming together, and going bananas over The World’s Game.   The sights of the flags and crazy, colorful costumes, combined with the sounds of singing and, mostly, vuvuzelas (more on those in a bit), are all truly something to behold.  And finally, you have gotta love our own country galvanizing behind our Boys in Blue, as they try to kick the world apart.  U-S-A!!!  U-S-A!!!

Here a few other thoughts regarding the 2010 World Cup:

Far-Right Poltical Reaction –

It figures that certain far-right bloggers and commentators would get their myopic, xenophobic, moronic panties in a bunch over the inherent “Anti-Americanism” of Soccer.  What a bunch of jerk-offs.  These asshole see “Anti-Americanism” under their beds every night and in their Cheerios every morning.

New York City –

I was living down in the West Village back in the summer of 2002, when the World Cup took place, and was amazed and delighted by how often you would pass by a random bar packed full of people repping some nation, and cheering their squad in full throat at 9:30 on a weekday morning.  The crock-pot of cultures that is NYC has to be one of the most exciting places to be during the World Cup.

The Vuvuzelas –

By now everyone has heard about the plastic buzzing horns, also known as Vuvuzelas, that sound like gigantic kazoos, and created the sensation of being inside a bee’s nest.  They’ve been the talk of the tournament not related to the play on the field.  Most people seem to hate them, finding the sound very annoying.  Me, I don’t really mind them all that much.  For one, I’ve always been partial to droning sounds: I can easily sleep to the sounds of AC units, traffic, fans, and the like.  I’ve already has a nice little power-nap during the middle of one game; I of course didn’t miss any scoring.

But the biggest reason I dig the vuvuzelas is because of how much they seems to be pissing everyone off, specifically the powers that be like the players and commentators.  But that’s just the rascal in me.  “Waaaagh, the buzzing is bothering me!”  Shut the fuck up and do your job, Soft Serve.

Weezer’s Un-Offical, Official USA Soccer Anthem –

Weezer front-man, and Harvard-grad, Rivers Cuomo is apparently a huge soccer fan, so much so that the following  song is the second written specifically in honor of the US team, and its pursuit of our nation’s first World Cup.  Idon’t know about the last song from 2006, but this one rocks!  This is quintessential Weezer, blasting the power chords as they get us fired up for an improbable run at The Cup.  So enjoy this bitchin’ song and video, “Represent.”  If you really dig it, I’m pretty sure it can be had for free on iTunes until this Friday.

For whom The Bell tolls?  It tolls for thee, Slovenia, 10 o’clock est, Friday morning.  Keep talkin shit, and you’ll catch it but good you little punks!  U-S-A!!!  U-S-A!!!  U-S-muthafuckin’-A!!!!

While brevity is not one of my strong suits, I shall try to keep my commentary on the last half of the summer short and sweet – so short and sweet, in fact, that my observations and opinions on some noteworthy events from the last half of the summer shall be presented in the form of little poems. Enjoy the shortness and the sweetness, but take some wet-naps: they’re sticky.

July 18th: The Dark Knight opens world-wide.

Heath Ledger’s creepily awesome performance

In The Dark Knight was great;

Makes me hope that the Dead can see what’s going on down here…

…Except for when I masturbate.

July 24th: Barack Obama speaks in Berlin, in front of 200,000.

Obama is admired around the world;

And somehow this is bad to think?

Perhaps they’re putting stupid,

In water half the people drink.

July 29th: A 5.4 earthquake hits the Los Angeles area.

The Earth shook below

The Hollywood Hills.

How long will it be

Till the Big One that kills?

July 29th: SIRIUS and XM satellite radios merge after over 17 months of government review. It took less than one year to approve the Exxon/Mobil merger.


Could finally unite,

In spite of the Radio’s

Political fight.

August 7th: Brett Favre is traded from the Green Bay Packers to the New York Jets.

I woke in the morning,

And Favre was a Jet.

If only I’d placed,

That 100 to 1 bet.

August 8th: John Edwards admits to having an affair with his videographer.

Affairs in remission,

Are not all that bad,

According to Edwards,

The Cad of All Cads.

August 8th: The Opening Ceremonies commence the Games of the XXIX Olympiad.

The Opening Ceremony,

Was remarkably done.

China showed what can happen

When working as one.

August 13th: Michael Phelps wins a record eighth gold medal in a single Olympics.

Phelps upon winning, 

Eight medals of gold,

Is a Hero of Heroes,

His feats to behold.

August 15th: Mike and the Mad Dog (Chris Russo) officially end their historic, 19 year run as one of America’s preeminent sports-talk teams.

An end of the era that was

Mike and the Dog on ‘The FAN’.

Now Chris leaves for SIRIUS,

To be the one Man.

August 24th: The Summer Olympics conclude with the Closing Ceremony. The United States finish second in the gold count with 36, to China’s 51.

Hats off to China,

And all their medals of shining gold.

And not too bad for Team USA,

All of whom play without being told.

August 27th: Barack Obama accepts the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

For people who say,

“Well what will he change?”

Please pay attention,

It’s not all that strange.

September 4th: John McCain accepts the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

This convention is nonsense;

Its delegates creepy.

Social fluff and no issues,

Put me to sleepy.

September 4th:The 2008 NFL season officially kicks off with the Superbowl Champion NY Giants hosting the Washington Redskins.

Football has started,

Our Nation’s true past-time.

Now 31 teams hope for

Better than last time.

Meet the Monday Morning Punter.

Posted: Monday, June 2, 2008 in Intoduction
Tags: ,

The title of my latest blog is most definitely a play on the Monday Morning Quarterback column from NFL writer, Peter King, on SI(sports illustrated).com.  In his weekly column, King offers his readers unrivaled access and perspective on the world of professional football, as well as a few commentaries on the world in general, from his weekly ‘Aggravating/Enjoyable Travel Note’ to his ‘Ten Things I Think I Think.’ Check it out if you are an NFL fan, and enjoy unoffensive writing.  And if you happen to read King’s column, I highly suggest you then read the great Drew Magary mercilessly eviscerate every fucking word of it, here at his NFL site, ‘Kissing Suzy Kolber’

Of course, the expression known as “Monday-morning quarterbacking” refers to the act of second guessing – the clarity of hindsight. The Monday Morning Quarterback, in theory, would have won on Sunday, were he armed with the knowledge and experience gleaned from a weekends worth of games. The Monday Morning QB embodies, in it’s classic sports metaphor, one of the most universal of all human psychological experiences: “If I had only known then, what I know now…”

As Americans, we all have a little MMQB in us. Our individualistic culture has conditioned us to voice our opinions (even if we don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about). In America we say, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease;” while in more collectivist cultures, they are fonder of saying, “The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.” For better or worse, we have a lot to say about a lot of things. The biggest problem, however, is that we are often misinformed, or that we are informed too late. After all, today’s papers are covering yesterday’s news.

But there is one thing about the proverbial MMQB not taken into account: Monday Night Football. That’s right; because every once in awhile we all will have to play a game in prime time, under the bright lights. It is that rare opportunity in life where we can actually see into the future. For if we learn enough from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, if we examine history with a critical lens, if we actively seek the truth rather than having it fed to us, than our hindsight can become foresight. That’s what this blog is all about, preparation for that Monday Night game. Here you will find the news, or to be more accurate, the stories people are talking about, dissected and critically examined. While most of what you read here are my opinions and perspective, I will regularly include sources of information not readily available to so many people today working longer and harder for less and less.

In the world of columnists, and football analogies, if Peter King is the quarterback, then I am surely a punter…in every sense of the word. We are all about field position here at the Monday Morning Punter. Sometimes I get the feeling that America is facing a 4th and long situation, and too many people are going for it even though we are only in the first half. No one likes to punt; but punting is essential to long term strategy and success (unless Devin Hester is fielding it. I couldn’t resist – you will all learn soon enough that I am a rabid Chicago Bears fan.)

And while a lot of what you will read here covers politics and some heavy issues, there will also be ample coverage devoted to sex, drugs, Rock & Roll, and all the other aspects of Americana that makes this country so wonderfully fascinating. Besides the sporting definition of punter, many British people will tell you that the term punter has an entirely different connotation. Punter is slang terminology that describes a variety of men. The first, and perhaps most applicable, definition of a Punter is that of a consumer – which was most likely derived from the earlier definitions of Punters as gamblers and patrons of prostitutes. Other definitions of the Punter are someone who is misinformed, a sucker, a poser, or a party animal. Also, Punter is slang for the swinging dick itself. If we, as American men, are anything at all, we are Punters.

I hope to publish at least one piece a week here; and I hope to get articles and opinions from many of you, my extremely intelligent and insightful friends and family, as well as any new friends who may stumble onto the playing field. But most of all, I hope you enjoy what you read (even though some of it might terrify), and that this blog can help you get ready for the big game on Monday night.

Let’s pin ’em down inside the 5 yard line.