Arbitrary Commentary: Manic Monday

Good morning, Party People; here’s hoping that your Monday isn’t sucking too hard.  Considering that my beloved Chicago Bears were completely embarrassed and annihilated by the New England Patriots and Tom Brady’s hair, we’re not doing all that bad out here.  And since we actually watched something other than football and football highlights last night for the first time in six weeks, I feel like popping off on a few buzz-worthy topics this morning.  OK, to the water-cooler!

• Speaking of the NFL, how about the inflatable roof of the Minnesota Metrodome collapsing? Did you see the video of it from the inside?  Pretty crazy stuff.  You just know that Michael Irvin imagined all that snow pouring into the stadium as cocaine.  What a shit-show: the Metrodome is like the white-trashy, above-ground-pool of stadiums with that big bubble roof.  Doesn’t it snow heavily in Minneapolis quite frequently?  If you are a Vikings fan, you might as well just give up the Ghost.  It’s never gonna happen for y’all.
• And speaking of big wet sloppy collapses, did you happen to catch the next Speaker of the House, John Boehner, bawling and blubbering all over himself on 60 Minutes? (here’s the whole piece; and its gets awkward at the 5:30 and 12:40 marks) There’s nothing wrong with men crying and showing emotion; but Jesus Christ!  Get. It. Together, man.  That shit last night was downright uncomfortable.  First of all, the subject matter seems a little strange to let flow the water-works like that: who cries like that when talking about kids and the ‘American Dream’ in this context?  (That is, unless deep down you are uncomfortable negotiating “the American Dream” with consistent cuts to educational spending.)  And the other thing that Mr. Boehner would do well to remember in the future: never continue speaking once the crying begins. It is best to just shut the fuck up for a few seconds until you can speak without sounding like some pathetic, gurgling fool (just ask legendary Phillies 3rd Baseman Mike Schmidt or my favorite fucking crybaby and phallic photog, Brett Favre.)  So again, men and women alike, do us all a favor, and let the tears pass a little before speaking.
• So GawkerMedia got the shit hacked out of them by a group calling themselves Gnosis or something, apparently because of Gawker’s arrogance in taunting 4Chan for not being able to accomplish such a hack. I’m a big fan of Gawker, but I suppose they sort of asked for it: a site like this had better have top-notch security, because they sure do piss a LOT of people off.  One result of the hack is that all the usernames and passwords of commentators have been compromised, which sucks, because now I have to go and change all of my passwords from “2012NJSitchAbs4life.”  Shit; that was a good one. (UPDATE: If you are concerned that your personal info may be compromised via the Gawker hack, you can check if the email associated with the data is among those released by the hackers here, at Slate.com.  And I am happy to report that the Monday morning Punter is in the clear!)

OK, Party People, that’s it for now.  Have a good day, and try not to kill each other out there.